Silent Hypocrite – The Rubik’s Cube of Life
“Take a look at my body, look at my hands. There’s so much here that I don’t understand…Contempt loves the silence; it thrives in the dark with fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart. They say that promises sweeten the blow but I don’t need them. No, I don’t need them.” – Natalie Merchant | My Skin There’s a moment that I remember like it was yesterday and yet it happened nearly 23 years ago. It was a moment that would serve as a catalyst in one aspect of my life, while also eventually igniting a series of moments I […]
Noah – A Tapestry of Words
I can’t draw but I paint pictures. I mix words to create colors, weave threads, and give texture. Though I’ve had my struggles in life with the words I speak, it is with words that I weave fabrics of the pictures in my mind. Like the purest forms of art, writing is all about feel. It starts with an idea – a brief spark of electricity in the mind that starts to turn like a wheel. Sometimes that spark ignites and flutters out, other times it hits and builds. Most times, I find that I have to place it in […]
3 AM – The Shadow Side of Downsizing My Life to Live Abroad
The things that once gave me a sense of self have long been taken away and the power of their memories I must fight to regain. It’s Saturday, March 31, 2018 at 12pm and I’m lying on the sofa at our apartment in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam in a cold sweat. My entire body is sore and I have barely enough energy to prepare a meal for myself. Today, it takes hours before I’m able to regain the energy to leave the couch and I never gather enough strength to leave the building. Instead, time speaks to me through […]
I62 – Yearning to Feel Limitless Rather than Limited
For someone who is a planner by nature and always organized, one of the hardest things to do is live in the moment. Your mind is always thinking about the next steps and playing out the “what ifs.” As a pilot, you’re trained to always plan for the next few minutes and all of the possibilities should something happen. So it’s not surprising that it takes such a long time for new pilots to truly enjoy being in the moment during their early flying days when the comfort of their instructor sitting beside them is gone. It wasn’t until my […]
A Fool So Less Courageous – The Paradox of the Pivot
How best to handle freedom and opportunity? Might you bury yourself in the warm comfort of complacency or would you welcome the discomfort, challenge, and fight like hell to overcome some of your deepest fears? This is my current struggle and one that seems to grow louder with each passing day. In a previous Self-Care Chronicles post written earlier this year titled, 30-minute Mondays, I started it with this short paragraph. Freedom is a privilege, an opportunity, and a responsibility. Being able to wake up everyday and practically do whatever you want is amazing and I wish it for everyone […]
Thirsty – My Tongue’s Eternal Battle With a Knife
Stuttering. It’s a simple action (or lack thereof in its truest essence) that has dramatically impacted nearly every facet of my life. As best as I can remember, it became noticeable in my speech pattern at age 6, when my family moved from the South Side of Chicago out to its southern suburbs. Entering second grade with a completely new set of faces exposed a hereditary trait that I didn’t know I had. Soon, I found myself fumbling to say simple words, which caused anxiety and the anxiety caused further shuttering (or stammering, as it’s also called). Stuttering is a […]
